My Big Weekend of Awesome and Worst Firsts

I had a lot of big "firsts" this weekend. First time I worked all weekend. First time I worked a crazy Saturday with four shows.

First "first" of note was my first time receiving and using comp tickets! The best thing about working at the KY Center is that you can almost always get comps for just about anything. I was so excited to see my comp request in my mailbox with my tickets for the Louisville Ballet's performance of Giselle. The seats were awesome to boot--orchestra row L, seat 41 and 42 (dead center)!

I had my first encounter with major drama. One of the lead dancers in the ballet had comp tickets through the Louisville Ballet. He wanted to exchange them for two tickets seated together. I wasn't able to do so because his tickets came directly from the Louisville Ballet not the KY Center. I told him he could come back at 1:00 when the ballet rep would be at the box office. The dancer became very huffy and self-important. He got really mad and announced, "I can't come back at 1:00! I'm in the show! I'm dancing the lead in the show! This is ridiculous!" Mr. Diva Dancer Man with Ratty Hair stormed out the center, in the words of one of my co-workers, like a psycho lumberjack going out into the woods to kill somebody. He came back at 1:00, was nice to the ballet rep, got his tickets exchanged, and seemed in a better mood afterward. He never apologized, so he's still a jerk in my book.

Later that evening, Dustin and I ate sushi at a local sushi bar called Oishii--first time going there. It was AMAZING! The sushi was great and the portions very generous. Prices were what you'd expect for sushi, and there was a ton of variety! We got a Louisville Roll (spicy crab, avocado, with seared Salmon and eel sauce on top) and a 2-in-1 roll (cooked spicy tuna roll deep fried, wrapped inside a spicy crab roll with avocado).

Following dinner, we went home, I change and picked up my friend Matt (who willingly replaced Dustin as my date) to go see the ballet. Neither of us had ever been to see an actual ballet. Well technically, I have been to the ballet, but the show was actually an opera turned into a ballet performance. The opera singers were present, but in the pit. If there are singers involved, I don't count it as ballet. I was worried I would be a little bored because there was no dialouge or singing. I was absolutely wowed by the show. My friend Matt was too. He told me, "I went in prepared to hate the show. I only wanted to go, so I could say I'd been to a ballet. But it was really cool! I don't if it's the gayness in me or what, but I really like it!" I'll post a more in depth review later.

I had three awesome "first" experiences and one bad "first," since there needs to be balance, the universe couldn't leave the score at that. Today, I got pulled over for the first time and my first speeding ticket! The cop was a major jerk and who was obviously using me to fill his quota. I was late to work, and everyone speeds on I-65--no goes 55 mph!!! The primary reason I got pulled over was because I passed him (in an undercover cop car)! I was going 74-77, but think how fast he had to be going for me to pass him (at least 65!)!!! He turned on the lights and sirens, and so my first instinct was to stop and pull over to the left emergency lane. Only there wasn't a left emergency lane. Then I saw the cop pull over the right emergency lane; for half a minute I thought about just going on past. However, I didn't think it would be a good idea since he could probably get license plate number and would probably pursue me. Then I'd be in bigger trouble if I got caught or even more late to work trying to lose him. I pulled over to the side, the cop proceeds to say in a rude tone, "Have you ever been pulled over before?!" I answered no. He took my license and insurance. He ran my license plate number, and had to come back to ask what state my car was from. I told him SC, he thought NC, and walked off and though I kept repeating SC--he obviously didn't hear. He came back cited me for speeding and CARELESS DRIVING! Because I almost STOPPED! He told me I wasn't supposed to stop because I was in the left lane; I would be allowed to get over to the right, and next time to do so. I have to go to traffic court now on Oct. 11! Another first!

I'm so exhausted from the weekend. I ended up feeling sick today on top of everything. I'm looking forward to a tame week--until Rachel's wedding shower this weekend. Another first! First time being a bridesmaid! I don't think it's possible to ever run out of "firsts."

I Faced the Demon Dragon Lord and Survived!

My life often takes an epic turn. I think this could be the direct result of living on nothing but fantasy novels and films for all my life. I tend to compare the events and people in my life to novels, games and movies. Today, I feared I might be going on my last journey in my quest to gain my Masters Degree. I had to strap on my (metaphorical) armour and prepare myself to meet the Demon Dragon Lord a.k.a. my Culminating Project Director.

I've been in living the past month and a half in terror and playing the avoidance game with my Culminating Project Director; my final paper in his class was very bad which resulted me getting a "C" in the class. I sent him an apologetic email owning up to my faults and promising extreme revision and better results for my CP. I didn't check my email for the longest time and whenever I there was a time I literally had to, I made Dustin check it for me. Finally, my professor responded and Dustin read the email to me. It said exactly what I expected and already knew about the paper. My professor did state he was still willing to work with me and help me rewrite my paper. I was lured out to a gallery talk he was giving because it focused on medieval manuscript making and the museum it was held at, had just received a beautiful French Book of Hours. I still kinda avoided him, not that I could talk to him because he was swarmed with people with legitimate questions after the talk. It took me a week and a half to send an email making an appointment.

So today, I finally had to quell my fear and face the beast. I kept thinking of him as the final Demon Dragon Lord in an RPG that I had to beat to win the game. Dustin thinks I overeexagerated too much; he compared him to Chopin in the RPG Eternal Sonata.
*SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME*
(Here I'm using one! I am constantly reminded of my failure to use a spoiler tag for HP 6.)


Chopin is on your team and helps you throughout the game. However in the end, you have to fight and defeat him in order to secure the existence of your world. Once you defeat him and convince him of the reality (he thinks the world is a dream) and importance of your world, he puts all his power and being into keeping the world. Plus, he wasn't difficult to beat; there were much harder bosses in the earlier stages of the game.

Back on track, I went to my professor's office, and he was very jovial. No blast of flame or look of pure hatred. I told him my purpose for being there, and we had a good, informative conversation about the proposal and project expectations. I told him as I was leaving, I'm glad he didn't breathe fire at and eat me. He replied, "The Jewish tradition is very much like the Vietnamese tradition, we operate on guilt; what you do to yourself is ten times worse than anything we can do to you." True words indeed. Guilt and fear have been eating me up all through Christmas break and the beginning of the semester.

Dustin told me, "See he cares about you. You make him out to be some kind of monster, but he's not." My hopes were not in vain; my professor is a good teacher; he knows I'm capable of quality work, knows that I didn't live up to my potential, and is willing to help me learn and become a better scholar. I feel a whole lot better and am chiding myself for my paranoia and anxiety. Sometimes, I allow rumors and reputation to precede my own personal knowledge. Nevertheless, this doesn't give me an excuse to slack off. I have to get my butt in gear.

Mini Epic Oven Adventure

So, grad school has basically fried my brain, and I'm so wrapped up in deep thoughts and distracting myself with the internet that I tend to forget about the smaller, but no less important things like DON'T LEAVE THE OVEN ON IF YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO IT!

 No serious disaster occurred, it was averted by a slight burning smell from the oven. This story has a fairly comic note. I was planning on re-toasting a wrap I had leftover from Jason's Deli in the oven. I threw it in the microwave for a little bit so the meat could heat up before putting it in the oven. I smell the oven burning a bit and panic thinking "OMG MY SANDWICH!!!!"

I rush to the oven and open it only to find nothing there. I start freaking out looking for it, thinking maybe it fell to the bottom or something. I'm like "WHERE THE HELL IS MY SANDWICH?! IT DISAPPEARED!" I honestly thought for a split second, somehow my sneaky brat cat Lily stole it out of the oven. I remembered putting the wrap in the oven, but not taking it out.

Then it dawned on me as I looked up and saw the microwave. I'd initially heated the wrap up for 15 seconds and put it in the oven. I touched the wrap a little bit and decided it wasn't quite warm enough, so I'd  pop it in the microwave for another 15 seconds. Meanwhile, I left the oven on and started piddling around on the internet until the smell alerted me to the fact that something was wrong.

Now, my wrap is in the oven, has been for a couple minutes now, and I'm very aware of it as I type this. I felt like it was a silly event worth blogging about. No matter how much learning I have, I can't forget those basic little things. I'm lucky I smelled something and got to the oven and that nothing caught on fire.

Edit: Once more I am truly a dork. I turned the oven off in my panic. I put the wrap in the oven, but I didn't turn it back on. LOL. 

When You Ask Me Who I Am, What is my Vision, Do I Have a Plan

I know I love Medieval/Renaissance lit and want to devote my life studying it and women and women writers of the time period. I always knew from when I was young I wanted to be a writer. As I got older and further in college, I realized I wanted to write academically; I love picking apart and analyzing texts. I definitely wanted to pursue my college career further with grad school; I sold my soul to academia, academia is my life blood. I don't regret it, I love it with every fiber of my being despite the fact it causes me so much stress and headache and makes me physically ill during finals.

Ever since I decided to devote myself to the academy, it always seemed obvious and logical to become a college professor. I liked the idea of teaching; I wanted to share my knowledge and help fellow literature lovers and aspiring writers and academics. Plus, as Dr. Kopelson (one of my favorite professors who taught literary theory) said, it is a job that makes you write for a living. I wanted to write papers and lecture at prestigious Shakespeare conferences. This seemed the way to do it.

At the end of last semester and throughout the summer, I began having a not so mild but not dire career/identity crisis. Neither of my two med/ren classes were what I expected. Frankly, I thought they were boring and generic; nothing I couldn't have learned in a 300 level literature or history survey course. Granted this was due to the fact they were a mix of grad and undergrad students. I was taking 4 classes (12 hours) which is a lot in grad school; the workload was intense and overwhelming. I began to have doubts as to whether or not I wanted to continue with grad school all the way to PhD. I knew I definitely wanted a year off, but wanted to finish my Master's degree first.

Today, I had a meeting with my mentor, adviser, and idol, Dr. Rabin. He asked me if I'd given any thought to what I wanted to do after I finished my Master's. I told him, I'm thinking of taking a year off. He actually encouraged me to do so. He said taking a year off would not hurt or affect my chances of getting into a PhD program; I would just have to frame myself a little differently than if I was going straight from a Master's program. He also said, most groups PhD students are half and half--some who've taken a year off and others who haven't. He told me the only problem would be if one year turned into two then three...so and so forth.

Then he brought up other careers/grad programs to look into for Med/Ren: Museum Studies and Library Studies. He kind of alleviated some of my fears that I'd be stuck in a corner of the library cataloging books and babysitting middle schoolers and studying purely cataloging. He said, "It's not like you're going to study the Dewey Decimal system [in library science]. You specialize in a niche, work in the rare books collection, work with book preservation, and manuscripts. In fact, librarians work more with manuscripts than even I do. It's not like you're going to be working in the Louisville Free Public Library. You'll be in a university or a museum." He mentioned my background in theatre could be useful for museums like the Frazier which stages reenactments of the Middle Ages. I could be in charge of collections and setting up exhibits. Conveniently enough, University of South Carolina has a great museum studies program.

He told me to consider these options before settling on a PhD. A PhD is a great risk, especially nowadays. There's no sign of universities getting any more government funding soon. U of L recently only hired one new faculty member, a graduate from Vanderbilt. She was the only recent graduate from Vanderbilt to get a job, and it was only a temp teaching job. She would only teach for a year, without any guarantee of a job next year, and teaching lots of classes for a pittance. 25% of recent graduate students got a job and that was just any job, not necessarily teaching or english related. He told me to think, it's a risk that can pay off and or end badly. He said, "You have to think carefully, do I want to spend 6-7 years just trying to get a PhD, get out at 30-something, and will I look back and consider this time and money well spent when I don't have a job guarantee."

So now I'm seriously considering changing my life plan. I was so burnt out last semester. I realize I'm getting a little tired of the classroom. I want to do something else. I wish I'd got a teaching assistantship to see if I liked teaching as well as pay for my tuition and get insurance. As grad students, we're taught mainly content and just thrown into the classroom and expected to fly. Do I want to teach English 101 to stupid, jocks or deal with snobby honor students or people just in English to get some kind of degree? Mrs. Campbell (my senior AP English teacher) said teaching is casting pearl among swine. You just gotta hope for those few students who truly love learning and care about literature.

I'm really considering the museum and library studies programs. I'm leaning more towards museum right now because I'm thinking of the different items I'd be involved with besides manuscripts. I'd really love to incorporate my theatre background into my med/ren career. Dr. Rabin said, I would still be involved in the academic world, reading articles, writing and publishing articles of my own.

Museum and Library studies programs would also be shorter, about 2-3 years. Dr. Rabin said the best places to get jobs would be Chicago and Washington D.C. --both awesome cities with tons of museums and libraries and great universities with libraries. He recommended to apply in those areas for a library or museum assistantships if I decided to take a year off. He said they are perfect for Master's students looking to go further in Med/Ren studies.

Epically long post, I know. It helped me get my thoughts together though. Talking to Dustin helped too; he actually said, he thought I'd be happier in a museum setting rather than classroom. I know my mom would be happy if I chose library or museum studies; she thinks I'd have a much better chance at getting a job. I don't have to make a decision overnight. I must make one before the end of the semester though. If I want to go on to a PhD or other program next year, I need to start applying soon.